30.10.07

Last week at WW I lost 800gm. That was a kick start to mum telling me that weekend that if I lost 4kg by christmas then she’ll buy me some new chucks. I LOVE my chucks. It’s an obsession that grew steadily over the past year, and now 80% of the time, I’m wearing my chucks. Actually it’s more like 90%.

So, that’s the motivation I need. I am loving Core also, so I think this weight is going to drop off. And that comment had better not come back and bit me in the ass on Wednesday night. I’ve had an active weekend. Starting last Thursday night.
I went to the costume shop after work and was trying lots of costumes on. Because of the, er, large assets, I possess, none of the costumes fitted very well. Or at all. They were large bags or small tubes.
Saturday went to my parents and found a shop. My brother and I both got costumes there. I found a witch one, that looked a bit like a maternity dress, and maybe why it fit me.
My brother is 4 years younger than me, and him and his friend drunk alot in a short space of time, meaning they got drunk quite fast. I could tell because I suspected brother’s friend was flirting with me which was STRANGE. I passed the boys on the way to the loo and brothers friend grabbed my hat off my head. On the way back I tried to get it back and he said “no, you went from being a witch to a sexy witch”
So it was then I decided they needed food and then home. Silly boys.
I had a good rest of the night. We danced and I didn’t eat or drink all that much. I ate most of the carrot sticks that we brought over, and the pineapple and watermelon pieces too. Yummo. Didn’t technically have dinner before going, but we had a late BBQ lunch and I wasn’t all that hungry.

Yesterday after work I went to a ‘walk-in’ evening with our national flight carrier. I applied for a job to be a call center travel agent. Sounds good and the perks are amazing, it’s the hours that might be a bit out of it. Shift work, but not the graveyard shift thank god. There are others that do that 🙂 If I pass this stage, there are two more before I get the job. Sheese! But a change would be good, and this job at the moment is dead boring, hence why I am on the internet.

Crapbag

Gained 900g at WW tonight. eeek!

I am starting Core tomorrow. I have my menu’s planned so I don’t mess up. I am going to the gym, not in the morning like I was planning on because I am feeling like crap, but it  will be after work. I’ll go to my Pilates class then do a circute, and then jump on the treadmill for 20mins.

I am considering what I want to do next year. I have a couple of options.  If I haven’t have my surgery by then, then I will likely stay on at work because I will need the sick pay to get me through. If I have had it by then, then I will likely go back to uni. Get a part time job, and rely on Student Allowance to get me through the year.  To do a photography course, but I am TERRIFIED that I will not be up to the standard, that I will be the worst in the class, that I won’t have the best ideas etc etc. I am scared that I won’t be good enough. I wasn’t good enough for the last course I did (ok experience is the key in that industry) and I was confident I would be good, yet it didn’t work out.

Argh too much negativity! If it doesn’t work out, again, then I will just know that’s not for me.  Hell, all you can do is try right?

So here is to my dwindling weight and my photographic prowess!

Forgive me for I have sinned

It has been 30 minutes since my last Tim Tam.

Unfortunately, it was also the last in a packet that was only opened 90mins ago.

Yikes.

I’m not going to count how many points were in that packet, instead I am going to stick with my plan for the day. Tuna salad for lunch and lamb chops for dinner with potato and kumera mash and stir fry veges.   I am going to do this, I am going to lose weight!

On the plus side (plus being positive not plus sized hehe) I managed to fit into a pair of pants I couldn’t do up a couple of months ago. Whoopee! Progress!

Tomorrow morning I am going to get up at 6am and get my ass down to my gym (that I have been neglecting)  and starting the Couch to 5 K programnme at http://www.coolrunning.com. Basically it gets you from a couch potato to running 5k in 12 weeks.
I will be runner by christmas!

On Saturday I went out with BF tagging a long, and I didn’t intend to, but ended up buying some clothes for BF’s brothers wedding in a month. That also has me motivated to lose weight. I look alright in it already, but I want to look hot! It’s red, so I’m halfway there haha.

I’m also fighting my BFs parents on the little matter of where we are sleeping for those two nights. I’ll give you a brief run-down of the situation before I get too ahead of myself.

BF’s father is a priest, and his mother is very religious. Now, he didn’t tell them we were sleeping together, and his parents only had real confirmation when we moved in together and naturally slept in the same room. Still though, whenever we went his house we weren’t allowed to sleep in the same rooms. Which leads to the problem of where we will sleep come the wedding. We are staying close to the venue at a Motor Inn and the parents have already paid for the accommodation.

I do not want to be sleeping in the same room with a bunch of people I don’t know, it just wouldn’t work for me. Plus we will be arriving around 8-9 at night and then will want to shower and settle in and we don’t want to wake people, or have them pissed off at us.

It’s a situation I’m not sure how to handle, but I think it will determine how Christmas turns out (one day at our house, one day at theirs).

Why me?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’m writing a blog on the breast reduction procedure, affects, recovery etc etc so other people can learn (if they so wish, but it will explain later on when I can’t be bothered). But I don’t feel like doing that at the moment. I am feeling like an emotional mess.

I don’t know why. It started last night after WW (didn’t lose or gain but stayed uncomfortably at the same weight) when I meet up with BF at his music school. He is doing recording with his band. They hope to have a CD together soon. We left for dinner and got a rather cold “Don’t take too long” from the other original band member (I’ll call him Smith). Ok, fair enough. But a) we weren’t going to take all that long and b) BF had already laid the guide track down, then he wasn’t needed for a couple of hours.

Whatever, then I got annoyed at how busy he is all the time, because he can’t come and do things with me, he’s always with the band. Even at home he’s on the internet discussing band stuff. Next few weekends are all dedicated to the band too.
When we got back I asked BF to get his laptop out of his bag so that I could do some more work on the fliers for the band. I suddenly remembered that he needed to ring his parents and stated so. Smith said well can’t you do that later? We’re busy. I just kinda glared at him but didn’t say what I was thinking which was “yes you dumb fuck, it’s a reminder. I don’t expect him to ring them right now”. I couldn’t find the programme (it’s a Mac and I’m not familiar with it’s editing software) so ask BF to get it for me. Smith again made a comment that I think was meant to be under his breath but was a bit too loud for that. “can’t do it here, I’ve got other stuff to do to you know!”
I felt like he was attacking me, and it wasn’t on. Especially when I wanted to do it in the presence of the band so I know what they wanted on the fricken fliers!! (I may still be a little pissed at that).
So I went home. I was going to get a taxi but one of the other band members took me instead.

This morning talking to my BF online:
me:did you talk to sam last night? BF: yeah – why?

me: about him being rude?

BF: yeah I did – he was in mission mode and he wasn’t clear

11:45 AM me: so that’s no excuse. i was trying to do work for the bnad

btw what are your song titles?

11:47 AM BF: believe, surrounded, home, broken man, crossroads

11:48 AM instead of the back cover could we do the pamphlet?

11:49 AM me: yea

BF: me and Sam talked about the cover last night and we drew a picture on my bank statement, so he’s doing that now

the back cover that is

11:50 AM me: what’s the picture? and it wasn’t a good idea to take photos last night, surely you could see that you were going to end up all washed out and flat, and that light was only good for recording in

BF: we took some good photos

11:51 AM we don’t care so much about excellent lighting – we want photos that look like the start of a band

which it is

they don’t always need fantastic lighting or massive composition elements

11:52 AM me: no, fuck. they arent going to look good. we don’t want ghost photos

no they dont but they need to look good

BF: maybe it was just a bad idea to ask a photographer to take photos

me: screw you. dont you want to look professional

BF: yeah – but then we wanted to look human

we will ahve professional photos done

11:53 AM but then we wanted just some simple fucking snaps

so don’t get all high and mighty on me just because the lighting wasn’t prfessional enough

shit

I thought you would understand that

11:54 AM but fuck it – din’t worry about it then

I’ll see you at home


And then he signed off. Ok, so I might still have been a little emotional/angry. Still, if you are out there trying to promote you’re up and coming band, wouldn’t you want good photos that looked like you CARE. No one is going to pay much attention to snap shots. Do you look at the snap shots in magazines, or the ones that look good?

Through all this I can see it’s kinda stupid but I can’t help myself and I just feel like crying.

I am a big ball of emotions rolling around in a windy emotional desert picking them up as I go.

Yaya

They are going to do the operation.

They are going to perform a breast reduction.

Ohmigod, yay. I had waited so long for this. It will happen within the next six months. SIX MONTHS. That’s so little time to wait.

Thank God, thank god, thank god . So looking to lose weight and get my blood pressure lower. I have high blood pressure for someone my age, which is strange and the Dr’s are a little confused/worried. My Dr thinks that my contraceptive pill might have something to do with it. So I’m going to finish the packet I’m on, wait a couple of weeks and then go back and get it checked up on again. If there is a problem, then I will deal with it then.

I also had another smear. Those things are damn uncomfortable, but I returned abnormal cells in the last one, and my Dr was concerned. She said I should do the Thin Prep one which is more accurate in results, so I’ve done that and now I’m just waiting. I was right about the urine infection as well, I have another. She’s given me a prescriiption, but said the antibiotics might give me thrush. Oh the joys of being a woman.

Anyway, here is another Garfield strip to lighten the day.

 

Today

I’m nervous. Waaaaay way nervous. I feel sick (but I think that’s in part due to the 4 Tim Tams I just ate). I’m going in to see the surgeon this afternoon.
It’s a little on the scary side but I want this so much.

I got home yesterday after spending the night at my parents to find that my BF had tided. I was amazed because he rarely does anything like that without me asking him to. He doesn’t do it because he thinks I should do it all, it’s just his parents never made him help out with chores around the house, or made him help with cooking the dinner.
He really doesn’t cook well. He lacks the ability to look in the fridge, see what we have, and cook up something from that. It has to come from a packet with instructions.

Still, it’s nice when he cooks and i don’t have to.

I was going to talk about the Rugby World Cup, but I think I am going to keep this blog more anonymous so I can talk more freely. Therefore, will not revel my country of origin by stating my loyalties within the Cup.

When I was in high school I used to keep journals. It started in 3rd form to late 5th form, and went through one or two a year. It usually consisted of boring teenage things (omg, he’s sooooo cute! Arrgh total break out 😦 ) yea, that sort of stuff.
Though I did battle with acne, and wasn’t until after the 7th form ball when I had the worst break out I have ever had that mum finally said we could go to the Dr’s. I refused to go to school the Monday after, my self-esteem (despite having a fantastic time) was so low I couldn’t look at anyone. It’s degrading to have these things on your face you can’t control, but it’s completely not your fault. I went on medicine that was supposed to kick it out of my system, and it worked brilliantly. It was only later this year (two years later) that I started having another break out and when I went to the Dr’s she said it was the type of contraceptive pill I was on. While some help acne others just make it worst, and I was on the one that didn’t help AT ALL. The Dr switched me and I am now the owner of a (mostly) clear face.
Bliss.
I do now have to find a way to get rid of my acne scares in a painless and cheap way.