Why me?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’m writing a blog on the breast reduction procedure, affects, recovery etc etc so other people can learn (if they so wish, but it will explain later on when I can’t be bothered). But I don’t feel like doing that at the moment. I am feeling like an emotional mess.

I don’t know why. It started last night after WW (didn’t lose or gain but stayed uncomfortably at the same weight) when I meet up with BF at his music school. He is doing recording with his band. They hope to have a CD together soon. We left for dinner and got a rather cold “Don’t take too long” from the other original band member (I’ll call him Smith). Ok, fair enough. But a) we weren’t going to take all that long and b) BF had already laid the guide track down, then he wasn’t needed for a couple of hours.

Whatever, then I got annoyed at how busy he is all the time, because he can’t come and do things with me, he’s always with the band. Even at home he’s on the internet discussing band stuff. Next few weekends are all dedicated to the band too.
When we got back I asked BF to get his laptop out of his bag so that I could do some more work on the fliers for the band. I suddenly remembered that he needed to ring his parents and stated so. Smith said well can’t you do that later? We’re busy. I just kinda glared at him but didn’t say what I was thinking which was “yes you dumb fuck, it’s a reminder. I don’t expect him to ring them right now”. I couldn’t find the programme (it’s a Mac and I’m not familiar with it’s editing software) so ask BF to get it for me. Smith again made a comment that I think was meant to be under his breath but was a bit too loud for that. “can’t do it here, I’ve got other stuff to do to you know!”
I felt like he was attacking me, and it wasn’t on. Especially when I wanted to do it in the presence of the band so I know what they wanted on the fricken fliers!! (I may still be a little pissed at that).
So I went home. I was going to get a taxi but one of the other band members took me instead.

This morning talking to my BF online:
me:did you talk to sam last night? BF: yeah – why?

me: about him being rude?

BF: yeah I did – he was in mission mode and he wasn’t clear

11:45 AM me: so that’s no excuse. i was trying to do work for the bnad

btw what are your song titles?

11:47 AM BF: believe, surrounded, home, broken man, crossroads

11:48 AM instead of the back cover could we do the pamphlet?

11:49 AM me: yea

BF: me and Sam talked about the cover last night and we drew a picture on my bank statement, so he’s doing that now

the back cover that is

11:50 AM me: what’s the picture? and it wasn’t a good idea to take photos last night, surely you could see that you were going to end up all washed out and flat, and that light was only good for recording in

BF: we took some good photos

11:51 AM we don’t care so much about excellent lighting – we want photos that look like the start of a band

which it is

they don’t always need fantastic lighting or massive composition elements

11:52 AM me: no, fuck. they arent going to look good. we don’t want ghost photos

no they dont but they need to look good

BF: maybe it was just a bad idea to ask a photographer to take photos

me: screw you. dont you want to look professional

BF: yeah – but then we wanted to look human

we will ahve professional photos done

11:53 AM but then we wanted just some simple fucking snaps

so don’t get all high and mighty on me just because the lighting wasn’t prfessional enough

shit

I thought you would understand that

11:54 AM but fuck it – din’t worry about it then

I’ll see you at home


And then he signed off. Ok, so I might still have been a little emotional/angry. Still, if you are out there trying to promote you’re up and coming band, wouldn’t you want good photos that looked like you CARE. No one is going to pay much attention to snap shots. Do you look at the snap shots in magazines, or the ones that look good?

Through all this I can see it’s kinda stupid but I can’t help myself and I just feel like crying.

I am a big ball of emotions rolling around in a windy emotional desert picking them up as I go.

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3 thoughts on “Why me?

  1. […] You’ll find more information about this here […]

  2. Mortality says:

    I hope you’ll feel better soon! *hugs*

  3. missmw says:

    🙂 thank you, much better now. Talked it through with Bf

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