so, a blog a day?

Maybe 2, or 3?

Doesn’t matter, but I’m bored at work and this gives me something to do. It’s also a place for me to spill out my muddeling emotions and thoughts and brain activity.

Tomorrow I am going to see the Renal Specialist. I am a little worried about it. I’ve never had really great kidneys. They have their own agenda and when I was younger liked to cause a bit of havoc, that was never diagnosed (we still don’t know what the problem is, I was meant to grown out of it by 7). Eventually I learnt to just deal with it, but it’s not that kind of thing you can forget. I didn’t have any friends when I started primary school because I would wet my pants.

Yea.

I was that kid.

Let that kid join in your games, let that kid play, let that kid feel involved. Because I tell you it’s an awful feeling when you are that kid hiding your lollies so no one else will ask for one only to realise it doesn’t matter, they don’t know you even have them. And when you look around you realise that you are the only one on the court at playtime because everyone else is playing on the playground and your invitation got lost in the mail, it sucks.

What I have self-diagnosed myself with (after years and years of medical training *cough*) is something that I don’t know that name for. Basically I have very weak bladder/pelvic muscles. There is also something missing so that when I need to go to the loo, my brain doesn’t receive the signal. I get oh I have to go to the loo now, not oh I better go soon.

During my early teenage years I was terrified about what would happen at high school, but also excited because no one there would know about my past and I wasn’t going to tell anyone. And I didn’t. Not until I told BF.

Over the past year my blood pressure has sky rocketed. The last count was 144/110 which puts me in the high BP should be on medication range. The Dr was worried that my kidneys weren’t functioning properly, so off I head to the specialist at a crazy $330 for the consultation. yikes.

As long as I come out of there with an answer I will be fine.

If I come out of the Drs once again with ‘we don’t know’ I may have to sue someone.

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