it hurts

BF and I broke up

It hurts so much

I hurt him so much

I am a terrible person




Is this shallow? Or weird?

But I felt total and utter shock when I heard that Heath Ledger was dead, but if Britney Spears was found dead, I don’t think it would bother me so much.

Maybe because I’ve never heard anything about him that would suggest he was going down that path, if, indeed he did. They still don’t know for sure, but I did see him as a ‘normal’ actor. Not one of those ones that are making a spectacle of themselves like Ms Spears or Ms Winehouse.

I feel sorry for the family and his daughter. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone like that. Perhaps it’s because the deah is high profile, and he was young.

I’ve just pinpointed it, it’s the young age that is bothering me so much.

I have lost two friends, neither of them reached 21. Under 50 = WAY TOO YOUNG to die.


I am sitting at the computer wearing the pair of pants that caused me to join Fat Fighters in the first place.

I orginally brought these pants almost a year ago and needed to wear a belt with them. The wake up call came when I could no longer do them up.

And now I am sitting in them.

Life is sweet 😀

When did murder become acceptable?

I’m sorry, I may be naive but I live in New Zealand. We are a country with a smaller population than New York.  In the last 24hours there has been the discovery of 4 bodies.

Count that.





4 separate bodies found. One of them was found in a town that’s 10mins from my home town, so ya know, it’s like my 2nd home town.  We had to pass through there to get to anywhere. I went to primary in that town. My friends live there.

When did this become the norm? I am …see I can’t even find the words for it. There are too many evil people out there, and for us to have this many in this small country guts me, because it means there are more out there, more in the world. More in NEW YORK even. Like I said, we are small. Only 4 million people in our country and I am seeing death everyday in the news. 😦
At least my fish are keeping me happy.
They aren’t dead.

I may also be in love with Zac Efron


Give me a guy that can sing and dance and I’m sold. With beautiful blue eyes.

Oh, and he has to be able to dress himself.

I have been watching too many musicals. Bryan started whistling the other day, I was FULLY disappointed when no one else joined in singing and dancing.

Such is life.

I may be a lil on the tipsy side

Just went out for drinks after work with my trainer and a couple of girls.

I feel like a real adult.

Problem is… I know now that I don’t love BF anymore. Saw a guy at work that made my heart jump. I know that doesn’t happen often with me. I know that BF hasn’t done that for me in so long it’s not funny.

I am going to have to break up with him.

It’s going to tear my heart apart, but I think in the end, it will be for the best.

god help me, I need strength

Camping with the girls

From the 2nd of Jan till the 6th myself and 3 other girlfriends went camping on Waiheke Island. We took the car over on the car ferry, and spent days lying in the sun, swimming in the insanely sallow beach, eating over priced food, drinking over price alcohol, and being lazy. I slathered myself with sunscreen and hardly ate much at all. Mostly because I didn’t have much money, which was a blessing in disguise.

On the 2nd day T’s parents came around in their boat and took us out for a lunch time cruise. We parked up nice nd deep and jumped off the top. Took the dog in the water and swam with flippers and goggles. A boat pulled up next to us and asked if we had some spare petrol. They had a leak and couldn’t make it back to land. We passed on some petrol and let them have it free despite their offers of payment. Told them to pay it forward. That’s the best thing ever. It makes me feel good when I can help someone out and not accept payment. I like to think of it as karma. I know I get that from mum, she’s a real believer of the karma stuff.

When we got back from Waiheke I was disapointed and pissed off to walk into the apartment and find bf still asleep (at 12.30) and the place in an absolute mess. His words were “I was gunna do it” but that’s his middle name. I was gunna. He never acutally does. Becuase he doesn’t care about things like Valentines Day, he thinks I don’t. He never even asked me, he just said.

I think I may be falling out of love with him. A month ago the thought scared the shit out of me.

But now, I think it’s just the natural progression of things. I work during the day, and he works during the night, and we can go 3 or 4 days without seeing each other despite living in the same house. He doesn’t make an effort either. I have talked to him and asked that he makes an effort, that we act like a young couple, not like an old married couple. But without my nagging it’s not happening. And I don’t want to nag. I know that asking him those things isn’t a total impossible ideal because I know others where it’s not an impossibility. A surprise now and then would be nice. But… I don’t expect mircles.

And I think I’ll be battling the computer forever.

I don’t know what to do.