An Invitation

It’s not a propersition I get everyday, so forgive me for finding this among other things interesting, flattering, and unexpected.

Last night, my ‘special friend’ and I were in the middle of things, when he asked if I had ever been involved in an act with 2 other guys. At the same time? I asked, he nodded. No, was my reply. Why? he wanted to know. Uh, well, the situation never really presented itself to be honest. And if it did?…

…uh…

coz I know someone….

 

 

Touch it

Go on – touch it

You know you want to

Just go on, touch my breasts – because they aren’t going to be this big for much longer!!

As of next week I will have small, supple, manageable boobies!

THANK
FUCKING
GOD

This operation can’t come soon enough

I’m not Bipolar – I have hormones

I don’t blame you for thinking I’m crazy. I think I’m crazy. I drive myself insane at night when I am lying in bed wondering how one little body can put up with so many different emotions and feelings.

Yesterday, down and depressed. Today, I can’t stop smiling.

If I were to go to a shrink, I’m sure they would diagnose me Bipolic and send me away with yet more drugs.

I am on so many, I have to have one of those little plastic boxes that have the pills for the separate days, so I know what I’ve taken and what I’ve forgotten. Like I’m senile or something.

So, just to let you know, I don’t need help (yet), I’m not crazy (yet), I’m not Bipolic (again, yet) but I DO have hormones raging all over the friggen place.

I’m not doing so well

I feel as though I am falling apart – but quietly and when I am hidden away in my bedroom.

I feel like I have a limb missing. I don’t know what happened to it, where it went, what it’s doing, what it’s thinking, how it’s feeling. I know that I’ve had this limb as part of my life for 2 and a half years, and I don’t want to lose it – but it’s gone already.

I will never get to hang out with him again, never get to make him dinner, never get to laugh at our in jokes. I don’t have in jokes anymore. I can think about them, but I won’t ever get to say them because no one else will get them.

I think I did the wrong thing, I know I did, but he doesn’t think so. He doesn’t want to try again. All I can think about is that I didn’t try hard enough, that I gave up too easily, but there is no second chance. I don’t get a second chance.

It sucks.

I hate Sundays.

Midnight Adventures

I have a part time job doing photography for a radio station in Ponsonby. On Saturday night, after the event I rolled home at at the early time of 3.15am. I got in, got changed, and crept out again.

Just down the road lives a …friend. Despite being over 25, he has moved home to live with his parents after some difficultly with his current flatmates, then, he just stayed there. He is a single parent with a 5 year old son, so it’s not all that bad to stay with the parents and have that extra help.

He left the back door open. I crept around the side and opened the gate. The sound it made was so loud I’m sure my sister heard houses over. I held my breath and walked into a couple of bags of rubbish causing more loud noise and this time I was certain the inhabitants of the house had to be aware that I was sneaking around the back. What was odd was the fact that I was making this noise and yet the dog hadn’t come to investigate. Don’t get me wrong, I love that dog, and I’m sure it would recognise me eventually but I didn’t want it to start barking at me and having to flee. To be frank, I had been looking forward to this all night.

Why, you ask, am I not using the front door like any sane person? Well, I’m sure our families would have something to say (there is a bit of an age difference) and I dated his brother 4 years ago, which, really is not a huge problem coz we are now close friends – but you see my predicament?

 Once I had crept past the rubbish bags I encountered another obstacle, now I can’t say what exactly it was but in the dark I could see no other option but to crawl commando style under it. As I was trying not to knock anything over or attract attention of the dog I though it was lucky that I decided to forgoe wearing my dress with no underwear and opted for my trakkies and a hoodie (still with no underwear, though I doubted he would have noticed).

As I reached the door I had a momentary freak out where I imagined the door being locked, the dog causing a rakus, and me being discovered by either parent, or brother. I held my breath, hand on the door knob and turned. It stuck at first, and in that instant I heard the dog sniffing around the side. I pushed and was in with no further worries aside from the dark house. 

Before this family lived here my best friends family lived here when I was younger, so I know  this house better than anyone, and yet it was so so dark – darker than I’ve ever seen it.  I crept upstairs and only breathed a sigh of relief when I’d made my way into the right room.

Later on, when I’m ready to leave I hear a noise.  The noise wakes me and I realise I fell asleep where I shouldn’t have. No problem, I’ve fallen asleep before, but managed to get out and into my own bed with the household non the wiser. The noise walked around a bit and while I was waiting for whoever it was to go back to bed (!) I fell asleep to wake at 6.30am. The first clue was the fact that I could see the outline of his face. His room is so dark that I couldn’t see anything when I came in earlier. A light was on in the hallway, and I could hear movement from the laundry below.

I woke him up and made him go down and find out who was up, and why. He came back to say that his mother was up doing the laundry.

Laundry.

At 6.30 in the morning.

This posed a problem, how the hell was I going to get out of there?! We decided that we would wait until she was hanging it out and then I could sneak out the front door. Only problem was the cycle took a while to finish, and the moment we lay back down, we were asleep again.

I woke up, yet again, at 7.50am. I could hear nothing, but now almost certainly my household would be awake with questions.  I lay there for a couple of minutes straining to hear something, anything, but all was quiet. I shook him awake and whispered urgently that I couldn’t hear any noise, go and check and see what she’s doing. He grumbled but he’s stuck in the same situation so he obligingly got up out of bed, yet again, and went downstairs to see what was going on.  He was gone 2 seconds before he ran back up again and said she was out in the other garage, I was to head out the way I came in (god forbid the gate slammed or the dog heard me) and he would take care of her if she moved. I got around the side ok but there was an open area, where if she chose to glance that way she would have seen me run across the lawn. I took my chances and sprinted. I spent the 2 minute walk home pondering on what I was going to tell my household.

Our house is not built for sneaking around. The doors are loud, the floor creaks, and they leave their bedroom doors open. By some god given miracle, I opened the door quietly, managed to avoid the loud floor spots, and even though the bedroom door was open, they were still asleep! I crept in, undressed, and gratefully got into bed, our encounter still our secret.

Top 5 Indulgent Moments

So, my good blogging and fat fighting friend Miss Gabby has started an, obession, I woud call it. Her Top 5, which I am now stealing, and I will start making top 5 lists myself.

So, to start, my top 5 indulgent moments…

1) Having a long hot bath, shaving my legs, smothering them in yummy moisteriser then slipping between crisp clean sheets.

2) Cuddling up with Geoff on the bed in the middle of the day to fall asleep watching tv (ok, so it won’t happen again, but I’m allowed to dream am i not?)

3) High School Musical. What would the people next to me on the train think if they knew I was rockin’ out to HSM on my iPod.

4) A foot massage from BF (again, not going to happen, but stop me dreamin’). Soooo Goooooooood.

5) Beautiful, silky, smooth, rich, delicious chocolates…..hmmmmmm

And now I shall melt away into oblivion